Loving the Unlovable (Pt. 3)

Scripture Reference: Leviticus 19:15-18, Matthew 16:25, II Timothy 1:7, 1 John 4:18

In the last two segments, we focused on the Christian mandate on loving others – including those whom we find it difficult to do, followed by insight on how we are to do so. This next segment will address that all-important, burning question – why? Why am I mandated to love others, and – even more importantly – why do I have to love “THEM”!!! (for the benefit of those whom are unfamiliar with the terminology, “THEM” is referring to those individuals who, for whatever reason, we find extremely difficult to love as Christ requires us to do so; these are the people where it would probably be preferable listening to fingernails repeatedly raked against a chalkboard than being in their presence) I could end this pretty quickly by saying “’’Cause Jesus says so”, but it probably won’t get very far in terms of motivation. As a father of 3 (and many other parents can attest to this fact,) the reason “cause I said so” (followed by a stern look) only goes so far, and lacks the character-changing power necessary for lasting, positive results. If we read The Bible, we already know why; what will be addressed here is the issue of why not. Why do we struggle (and occasionally fail) to fulfill this commandment?



The truth is, we fall short in this area of obedience because, quite simply – we don’t want to do it! Unfortunately, rebellion is a part of the human condition (the flesh part). We don’t want to obey, and we will find every reason imaginable, split every hair, twist every argument, and flat-out rationalize our disobedience such that it becomes palatable to us, just to get out of it. Our rebellion ranges from expertly-crafted arguments strong enough to make a trial lawyer green with envy, to “fold-my arms-and-hold-my breath-till- I-turn-blue-and-pass-out defiance” – and this is just with dealing with the people we are acquainted with! God forbid we have to love someone we can’t stand! But rebellion is only the resultant behavior, not the motivator. If we dig deeper for the answer, we will find that at the core of our rebellion is simply this – Fear!


We fear the pain of embarrassment and humiliation for being taken advantage of, as well as the loss of dignity and self-respect. We fear the loss of money and material possessions, and precious time that we feel could have been spent somewhere else on someone else (either ourselves or someone else we know and like). We fear bodily harm and injury - even death, wondering if it is even worth it. And so, in our rationalization (i.e. rebellion), we determine that it is safer, and more profitable to withhold true love from others, and instead extend a form of love that has conditions, exit clauses, and terms which void our obligation should the other person fail to agree or meet those terms. Additionally, if we must satisfy the love requirement for getting into heaven, we will do the bare minimum that we feel is justifiable (or arguable) before God – which will amount to no more than half-hearted “good deeds” or nice gestures, motivated by self-preservation rather than love and honor.


It’s funny how we can show kindness and compassion towards people we don’t even know, but withhold from those we do. That is because there is no emotional investment. We “satisfy” the requirement (as we see it) of doing, without the sacrifice of flesh (i.e. pride, self-respect). Therein lays the root of what restrains us - the fear of pain and the fear of loss. However, true love requires sacrifice of ourselves, regardless of whether or not the person whom we are supposed to show love to is deserving or not. It would be wise to avoid such deliberations, for while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. I’m sure many of us can attest that before Christ we were “a piece of work” (some probably still are, but that’s another discussion for another time). We can easily slip into self-righteousness if we forget that, once upon a time, we were once those whom we consider “unlovable”. In the end, the only thing our self-righteousness does is cover up our fear, driving us to reject doing what was done for us. Truthfully, if we honestly reflected upon our lives in comparison to the Perfection of Christ, we would easily be classified the “unlovable”. Christ’s sacrifice on Calvary, forged in love, sets a high bar for us whom are called to follow; fear is not an option.